Today has been so good. Tomorrow shall be good too!

So today I woke up and the bitch wasn't here. The bitch didn't walk in the door till like 3:40ish. I heard her voice faintly but my movies are so loud and my door is sealed (using a spare wash cloth) so she can't look in or speak to me outside of it bc I can't hear anything. I also replaced my skull candy dead phones with some cheapy onces from the dollar store while getting my epic rallys (checkers) lunch. Shout out to Ardivian for the look out! Tomorrow is a 5:26 am departure so that's always good. Maybe ill actually get some slep tonight bc I hand washed out my hoodie before the bitch got home. Rebecca seems to not be able to sync her music to my ipod so I plan on helpin her out tomorrow. All in all I had a great day bc I gawt rallys I really had a craving for it... I'm prolly gonna go to mc donalds, upload this. Get a mc chicken, come home, wash out a few lite things and power up some stix till tvd / nikita. Then try to go to sleep directly afterwards so I wont be tired in the am. Need to set my alarm and finally remember to take rebecca this starbacks mocachino er whatever its called so it can gtfo the fridge. If I don't make it to tri - c tomorrow I will def be there Monday afternoon since the finanical aid office dun open till 2 pm. I also got a free credit report done on myself. I'm goin hard to fix my life. I have $499 in my name left to pay from florida. I will call and confirm the amount with them and then see what I can do to fix it. May use some sl money on it so I can open an account in my own name finally. I have $200 in my name from the gas bill when I did that shit for the bitch. I have pics of the letter and I think voicemails she left about " the deal" so if need be ill drag her ass to court. I wont give her the free pass karen got. And finally the 80 - 65$ from at&t. Not too bad. Seems easy enough to correct that shit so I'm not completely ruined. Just need to push hard for that bc / ssc / new state id / license. Gonna see who will be nice enough to lend assistance lol. I mean with the license. I need a car! Fuck this bus bs. The camaro beckons!

no internet? still fuckin productive!

So seeing as I have no phone and no internet. This bitch thinks she can make me like her. No contact with the outside world. WRONG! You can't stop me. I'm motivated! So as I'm watchin a movie I think to myself I wanna be productive. So I bust out the cooling pad karen brought me. Its not much but it will at least extend my laptops zomfg power off nonsense when I'm forced to go to the pub. This will help me out until I gtfo and get a new laptop / cooling pad. Depending on what and how rebecca approaches things I guess we will see. Ima try to talk with her on Wednesday and hopefully everything goes smoothly. But I'm glad that both fans on this $5 cooling pad are now spinning. I put the screws back in and its working. I'm gonna leave my laptop on when I walk out the door in a lil bit. If its on when I get back that means it'll give me over an hr at the pub and ill be able to do more until I can get a new internal fan. I also figures out what size screw drivers I need to take it apart once I find a replacement internal fan. See the bitch in the other room cutting my phone and internet off forces more productivity. She doesn't know tri c doesn't require id to get shit done. Ima wait till the last second and be like I'm out bitch, fucka you!!!!! ;)

New Vlog UP!

Did a new informative vlog this am. I need feedback on content.

Help me out by commenting anywhere, texting messaging, etc about content you wanna hear and or see.

Thanks.

Gonna test this out via text since no interwebs. Lets see if it works!

what a bad day.

So the vlog is up. Which means I don't need to type much.

Http://www.youtube.com/user/BushinryuVlog

Nuff said.

My contact infos

You can find me on youtube

http://www.youtube.com/user/Nightmarel0rd

My VLOG can be found

http://www.youtube.com/user/BushinryuVlog

You can find me on twitter @Bushinryu

You can email me the.onslaught@gmail.com

You can find me on facebook.com/Bushinryu

You can find me on gamefaqs, "Bushinryu"

I am the orginal "Nightmarelord" From ffxi, i use to wield a relic i smashed stuff, made ppl emo had a ton of friends and a ton of haters.

Be warned my twitter is nothing more then hot cam chicks, a few of my friends, and alot of celebs im following. I need to clean it up so it will be more then just fap material but yeah im lazy.

Im known for liking japanese things like samurai, Bushinryu style, Gai (Guy in america) and of course the tonfas (stix, nigga beaters, billy clubs, NIGHT STICKS, etc)


I dont take much online seriously, theres always room for improvement, we all make mistakes and its clearly obvious in game videos. Some of us are better then others (main reason i had a relic and woulda went for the bow but i got bored) Haters gon hate but know that if u CANNOT TAKE IT, DONT DISH IT OUT.

Thanks and have a blessed Evening.

Update bout rl, youtube, gaming, videos and overall progress.

Hello readers, I've decided to finally post an update about things going on. Firstly to all you people who keep bugging me about gaming, if you haven't noticed, I post information publicly on twitter, facebook, here, and via messenger or text. If you want me to return to gaming that bad (which some of you bitch at me non stop about it) here's a though. Make a donation via paypal, you can include in the note as to what you would like me to do with said donation.If you do not have or do not wish to be bothered with paypal, you can get a moneypak card at your any local store / drugstore / wal mart / etc. You can load however much money you want onto the card, Send me the number and its a one time use kinda thing (see above for picture) If I pay at&t their $80 I can reactivate dsl and return to gaming. I previously got my router back from that cunt karen so I can game oknp after I pay the bill. If I could tether my phone to said router I could prolly game till I get throttled. But that doesn't seem to be an option. Please note I have direct access to anything in my paypal account via the pp business debit card (use to make a living / killing via ebay and paypal) but enough about that. I have about 7 videos I need to get onto youtube. The first 3 are there on my channel which I will probably edit in a link when I feel like looking at my craptop. They were merely a quality test and used to see if my phones camera was worthy. I have one video I feel I need to rerecord due to me toying with settings, it looks gross so I'm probably gonna rerecord it and its comentary.

In other news I have (2) unstamped 7 day passes thus I can make things happen if the witch gets stupid. (See pic above)

I decided against remington college In the long run. I'm gonna try my best to get in tri c and get it paid for and everything else I have left is going toward the move out fund. Hopefully I have enough to make it happen.

I've been spamming in online job apps daily. Anywhere from (3) to (10) apps a day. While making sure to not submit the same app twice.

Tomorrow is a last train to paris day so while I'm out visiting Rebecca I'm going to make sure my phones fully charged at her house and make calls to check up on apps after I drop her off at work. Kinda wish I had access to some dressy pants bc I know where my dress shirt is and it would work out well.

All is quiet on the witch front, she hasn't bugged me or said much since her ex-bf died and there was a funeral. (Too bad he's gone but I'm loving the silence)
So I guess that's it for me. Can't think of much else really. I'm glad to have the entire karen thing behind me. Fuck that cunt. I'm ignoring all okcupid and pof things in general. I have things and people in my life so I'm focusing on that. All pof and okc bullshit will be deleted and ignored. I'm trying to be positive and pray regularly. Any and all help is appreciated. Some of you really help me when in a pinch. Rebekah is like uber with last min saves. Thank you ever so much for the kindness. <3

posted via sticky notes android app.

Jo-ann fabric and craft

Rememer the microwave?

So um yeah.. im sure you guys remember me speaking about the microwave that my "mom" took into her bedroom to supposedly clean and what not. Well i have pivtures of the frayed cord which i snapped this morning.
Supposedly this is my fault as well. even tho i am NOT THE ONE WHO HAS A "YOU MUST UNPLUG THE MICROWAVE OR ITS WASTING ELECTRIC" bullshit rule that my mom has. so um, after each use. its unplugged aka excess wear on the cord for NO UTTER REASON.
This microwave is about as old as i am and im fucking 28, it doesnt have a rotator table inside, it doesnt even heat properly. usually things are always unheated evenly as old tech in microwaves is just that, OLD. its been needing replaced and i brought it to her attn in NOV before karen, THEN AGAIN IN DEC when karen first decided to forcefully show up with food. Why on earth do stupid ppl like my mom think things like this will just magically fix itsself? why do they think things last forever or never change or need to be replaced? i am lost and so fucking sick of her... going poidh.

From last night (long read, sorry)

So as i sit here @ 10:48 pm est, i took two sleeping pills that get rid of headaches bc my head was pounding.
But im not here about that, im here about the arguement that just happened earlier.
"mom" decided to get angry because i didnt put that stupid stick on the door.
Thing is if someone wants to break in they WILL use the damn windows.
Not the fucking door. but thats all irrelevent anywho seeing as if someone wants in they will get in regardles..
She uttered a few days ago that the reason she took my expired ohio id off my door is because " she doesnt know whos up in here when shes not"
only her and i have keys, i returned the keys to the front, and ill do the same about the back when i plan to move the hell out.
But my point is simple. SHES FUCKING HERE 13 of 14 days outta two weeks. To clarify, SHE LEAVES ONCE, EVERY OTHER THURSDAY AND THATS IT
She doesnt go anywhere. She has no life, she has no job, she had no friends. So how the hell would someone "be up in here when shes not here"
Oh thats right shes lying. but i think she forgets that i beleve NOTHING she says to me. EVERYTHING past present future is anticipated as a LIE unless it can be proven truth by evid or common sense.
But she decided to be ignorant and she finally pushed me to my limit, I responded "FUCK YOU, I dont have to do anything. You would NOT return my expired id so i can try to get in school and MOVE OUT"
She started talking about getting the locks to the back door changed, I replied "HEY, IF YOU WOULD GIVE ME MY FUCKING EXPIRED ID SO I CAN TAKE IT WITH ME THE NEXT TIME a SCHOOL WANTS ME TO ENROLL YOU WOULDNT NEED TO CHANGE LOCKS BC I DONT WAN LIVE WITH YOU"
she started mumbling more idiotic lies and i respond. "This is why my brother doesnt like you and keeps his distance and never comes around, What do you expect from a person who you pretty much lied to for 31 years about adoption? Idk if he hates you but im starting to have the same NEGATIVE views of you as him.
I have NO POSITIVE VIEWS Of YOU BC IM THE ONE WHO got stuck dealing with you your lies and your probably fake illness"
Mean i know, but it'll probably buy me a few days to a week of silence.
As much as i wanna be with rebecca and have mom finally leave my phone on and get outta my way.
Id rather let her know that her 50 years of lying and bullshit is finally collapsing around here as all her untruths are being exposed.
Funny thing is because i left mc donalds to come home i stopped at the church and prayed for forgiveness and peace,
Then this happens. I wonder if its me or my luck. I feel awful that i have to become this sephiroth like person whos heartless and merely wants to destroy everything And bring despair.
But i honestly have no other choice.  Im prolly gonna start recording her silently and posting it for everyone to say.
I dont want pitty really. i just want people to know why my fb,twitter,blog,etc is the way it is. And i really want people to know that im GREY. I stand in the middle, not good, not evil, but capable of either if given reason.

Again all i want is peace. i dont wanna fight and argue over petty shit. im glad the gas is outta my name but i dont like that ill probably end up having to take her sorry ass to court.
Thank god i took pix of the "letter" she wrote on feb forth.  im sure a court can prove she wrote it just by her hand writing and the fact she spells mother "morther" (showing her ignorance but shes so smart with her 3 degrees)
If anyone has any HELPFUL suggestions that they think i havent thought of let me know.
But please dont repeat things ive already thought of. like selling my things to get moved.
Theres no way my tv would sell nobody would pay for shipping and im not going to just bring it to them.
i have decided to sell some things like pandy battery and the unlocked at&t blackjack II
I personally hope to wake up with a buy request as i just wanna be able to spend some alone time with becca since her mom was home all last week so i didnt get any alone time with her.
And for all you pervs no, its not about sex. its the little things that matter as i am happiest when im with her, and the fact that i get to just chill and relax with her till she has to be to work...
Yea... shes the one thing that brings me happiness and gives me a small chance at no bullshot.

I just want out. I also told mom she has no sons, no friends, no family. Shes pretty much alone in all of this.
I dont know anyone who will want to be around her or help her once they get wind of who she is and all the lies.
So i guess thats it for me bitching. i am soooo tired of this life it isnt funny and im trying to better myself.
I noticed she didnt say shit about my id not one time when she finally forced me to raise my voice.
She barely said anything. Its like she knew a verbal raping was coming and she wanted to know what it was about.
She was in the door all smiling and shit like everything was cool earlier. I really shit in her cereal apparently by not acknowledging her and using the backdoor like normal.
when her microwave breaks finally shed better get a cab or get on the bus with a new one bc im not doing it.
Im still mowing over the idea of being homeless in a shelter bc id be less stressed then being here.
so yeah. i dunno. i know nobody except for like 3 ppl other then myself care but i need a place to be able to voice things.
All in all, if you have family you can talk to and or depend on for anything, DONT TAKE IT FOR GRANTED. I ENVY alot of pp who have family and all that i dont really know how to get thru to my brother.
Its like pulling teeth to actually catch up with him just to hang out and talk. i mean i know he prolly doesnt wanna be around or anywhere near mom but why am i at falt for this?
I see her lies and bullshit now and just wanna try to make things better. I realise that he nor my dad are the enemy, thus the enemy is one room over and pretending to be sleep.
Why cant i seem to get a win? from nov till now the only good thing to come into my life is rebecca. and even she came in on an negative note but we've connected and corrected that.

Sorry for the long blog, idk what to do. im hanging on by a few threads. just so tired of this bs.

IDL asking for anything but.. I need help. ideas etc. just want out. own place and peace. idc if my t mobile sim stays dead. means when i leave she cant annoy me. gonna have to tell becca i tried but my mom forced a huge arguement and i might not see her on wednesday due to lack of funds.
Story of my life. "If i had somewhere to go, i'da been done went. i aint neva had alot, just had a lil bit. I know im gon shine on em, IM gettin IT show out everytime on em, im getting it"
Quoted from young buck. i dont care what i have to do to be able to provide for myself and rebecca but im gonna keep spamming job apps and trying to hustle the internet until i get my shot at peace and freedom. know that if i get any help or i manage to get it done i wont fail and end up back here.

grad rates.

I guess this is why ohio sux? Or maybe its just cleveland and the surrounding burb areas? Either way this shit is awful so here's poidh.

meh.

So apparently I can see rebecca Wednesday. Hopefully something shakes as I really haven't been able to spend any time with her in about a week and a half aside from when I went to remington and while that was nice a lil alone time for convo and stuff would be great, I want to make sure everythings ok and she's not super stressed out... now to figure out how I'm gonna make it happen ;/ ugh.

update and random crap.

So today I decided to try to sell some things so I could make ends meet and possibly make it to see my baby. I put my psp pandora battery up for sale seeing as karens kid lost my fucking psp. Soon as I get a phone I'm calling and bugging her. Haven't said much to her since feb and idw to let her off scott free even tho she did some nice things while she was actually around, I don't think its right that my psp is in the wind bc she's mad at me. When I get a phone I'm going to start nicely harassing places hiring. I want a damn job. Most or all of my pay will go toward moving out. So when my phones mod finished downloading I'm gonna head home. Idf so great with all the bs going on quite honestly. I just want things to go better. Guess I need to pray more and try harder. But tell me this. Why was "mom" standing in the doorway SMILING as I got there earlier? Does she think that we're cool and everythings fine? We aren't and its not. I walked right by her as tho I didn't see her and she didn't exist, proceeded to use the back doors like normal and haven't spoken a word. I will not say anything to her unless absolutely necessary. I will write another note requesting my expired id. If I can't get in for spring classes I damn sure will get there for the summer corses bc remington is out unless my life changes hugely. I think she's mad bc I said the 'college fund" she spoke so much about was a lie. Just like she lies about everything and told my brother he was adopted when he's not. On a lighter note I got 3 vids on youtube. Dunno if I mentioned that here but seeing as I can't afford a capture device atm I'm gonna just cell phone the vids I need on here. I may finally get around to vlogging and stuff. If you guys wanna see give me some damn feedback. U can stay anon if you want idc. Tomorrow will be as always. I am going to spam in more apps. If and when I get some sort of phone service I am going to call every place and check. Gonna fill out some specific apps tomorrow like for radioshack. I am super special when it comes to anything electronical, and if you guys dunno, I'm. GREYHAT. Not white, not black but inbetween.. I do what must be done and I never take what cant be replaced? (I'm retired in my mind so I'm speaking of the past, as I no longer take stuff from folks.) I guess that's bout it. 6 mins and this dl is done. Oh yeah. I grabbed lil wayne and snoops new albums. God I love this phone. Gonna check out snoops when I get home since I have no zip program... or do I? Hmm.

Hmmm. phone? school? jobs?

Good morning readers. I'm writing this up in advance due to no internet and no phone to use really. So here I am, struggling to do things I shouldn't have to struggle with at all. Yesterday I went to remington, did fa, talked to them and tried to give them insight to my situation. Not sure how well that went. But I did get told that as long as I do what I need to do I will not get stuck with a huge bill or debt due to "moms" bs. Long story short, I needed my expired ohio id and I was unable to obtain it because "mom" has it and would not give it back, same applies to my social security card and birth certif. As i sit here I hear the supposedly broken microwave going. So the reason that my phone is off is invalid and nothing more then bullshit which leads me to my next point. If any one has a cell phone plan where they can add a line for cheap. Like at&t I will pay to be on the plan. I hear its like $10 a month to get a new line. I don't need a phone and I am willing to do without internet if that's what it takes to not be controlled by "mom". I will try to make it to speak to my father whenever I can afford it. My main focus is a job or school. As well as getting moved out. Ive been tired and its about time I treat her the same way my brother does and just cut all ties and contact with her. I hate asking for help & things but I'm my wicks end. I want outta this life and I don't wanna be forced to be miserable like this anymore. So I am openly asking for any help or any ideas that anyone can come up with. I know there are alot of now hirings out there where rebecca lives. Wish I could come up wit extra busfare so I could go out there without anyone including mom knowing. Ill figure something out even if that means selling all of my things. NO SACRAFICE, NO VICTORY. So if I have to part with my tv, ps3, ipod, etc then so be it. I want change and apparently I have no other real options. I am going to try to ask around and direct people whom I know to this page. I am going to ask my brother about an at&t sim but I'm not sure that's going to go well, don't even remember the last time I saw him face to face or even hung out with him. Kinda sucks but I cant force him or anyone else to wanna come anywhere near me seeing as I live with the enemy. Honestly, I am considering giving my stuff away, selling it, putting it In storage and just being homeless till something comes along. Again I am so tired of the bullshit, my phone being turned on the off like its a sink or something, and the constant sabotage attempts. Seems like it would be easier and more peaceful to just murder her and go to prison. Least there I can get an education without her constantly trying to sabotage my fucking attempts. I need a smokE... on.a lighter note today is suppose to be warm and beautiful. ;) oh and one thing I forgot to add. If anyone is kind enough to add a line and let me be on their plan I am a smart person. I don't dl ringtones and all that bs. I don't care about flashy shit. All I want is basic unlimited text and MAYBE TALK. If some sort of internet i s included great, but if not I am not going to complain. I just want a stable phone so that I can respond to jobs, school, etc without thinking "is mom going to cut my line again?" Truth be told (and i have proof) she made me miss out on a dial america job (telemarketting but who cares money is money at this point) and idw that to happen again.

no more smoking.

Come Monday, I am going to be a non-smoker until I find a valid drone job. I may pick up gaming a lil but I'm not sure. I have 3 ngs2 videos for youtube but I can't upload them directly from my phone for some reason, prolly my mods as it starts to upload then the browser forces closed all wonky and shit. Oh and while I'm here mc donalds got an internet speed upgrade. Shit use to be slightly faster then my at&t phone tether but now its at least 2 mbps. Tomorrow decides if remington college is right for me atm. I cannot go if they don't offer some sort of reduced transportation passes. Now I just wish rebecca would respond to my text so I can go home. Don't honestly feel well and I need to rrst up for tomorrow. If I could afford bus passes I would go to remington regardless of all you motherfuckers being negative. Fuck the cost, it gets me a peace of paper and outta the cave and away from the witch. While id rather be working... this is fucking ohio. worst place in the country to try to do anything in all honesty. So it sucks for most brown peple who want to get a job and make an honest living. if I'm not trying to defraud someone or sell drugs it seems like id do better moving somewhere else and be homeless. Hopefully something changes. I'm spanming in applications left and right but still nothing. Can't do what I normally do with out internet and a shifting constantly ip. So it looks like I am losing this war. At least for the moment I have no real clue as to what I should do next. I am tired of this bullshit and tired of struggling. Tirrd of ppl like liz, cassie, and my mom as well. Youtube vids will be up asap and ill see what else I can do. Who knows I may just give up on the internet all together. Everyone has their bs and even tho I've helped so many ppl, Ive only received help from one person who's still in my life and it damn sure isn't my mom. Great friends and family i have eh? Hmmmm...

job apps

Going to start full on spamming apps in. Somethings gotta shake eventually. And if I get the chance ill bug them in person or on the phone. Now to return back to the war zone.

More bullshit.

So here the deal. My beloved mom is still up to her bs. My phone is currently off. Been that way since 730 yesterday. Supposedly the microwave she took in her room now no longer works. I brought to her attn that the cord was coming apart back in december right around the time I met karen. She did nothing. So now that the thing doesn't work and she couldn't make her lolfrozenpizza its somehow my fault, as a result my phone line was deactivated. Yes she deactivated it early yest morning, reactivated it around noon, then deactivated it again around 730. This bullshit has got to stop. If remington doesn't offer a way to not live with mom, as much as i feel its a good fit and right for me I'm going to have to sacrafice. Id rather deal with whatevrr college offers some type of student housing program bc if I don't do something quick and get away from her I'm more then likely going to lose it and rage out and she will end up hurt or worst. I'm at witts end and I need out. NOW!

cost to be a mini boss

Look at the pix. Why the hell does can and criminal justice cost the same fucking amount? All you're really paying for is a some what worthless peice of paper that u may have to reobtain later on? Hmmm..

school stuff.

So I decided to do the maths for how much it would cost to ride the bus here to and from school for the ENTIRE 18 months for the can degree.
Maths are as follows.
7 day pass = $22.50 × 4 = $90.00 × 18MONTHS = $1,620
Monthly pass = $85.00 × 18months = $1,530
But again that's the entire time from now to my predicted grad date. Figured id post it here as my hand writing and rl note pad aren't the best. But ill include a pic to show my work.

Another FaF Post.

Hello bloggers and readers. I have an update / more news.

So tomorrow morning i am due in to remington college in north olmsted, oh for a tour, registration and or enrollment.
My first issue was coming up with bus fare which i think i managed to get handled, no thanks to the witch and her attempts to sabotage my success. I asked her to BORROW bus fare which i would pay back, she claims shes "broke" But then turns around and requests that i go to the store for her, hands me a 20 dollar bill and requests toilet paper. Mind you she goes no where other then to the doc every OTHER thursday, and seeing as she isnt due till NEXT thursday (not this week) she has almost no excuse for not being able to spot me 5$ til i get back to her house with her repayment. So i side stepped her all together (yes i am known for doing this )

 So hopefully tomorrow will go decently. Im going to grill them about FA, and any student housing programs or stuff in that nature they may have seeing as i pretty much have to start completely over, fresh, with nothing and no assitance from anyone. I hope they have or can work out something to where i can get a loan or grant and make sure i can get a place out there and what not. Personally idc about a roommate as i already have one in mind. So pretty much i need to be able to hold out till the roommate has things together (supposedly june) and then i wont have to do all bills and rent alone. I am constantly filling out apps and going to North Olmsted in an attempt to become "known" a little better, as well as keeping myself away from "moms" and being less stressed. If all goes well i will be out of her house well before june and I will continue to move in the right direction. My CNA degree is seemingly lighter then going to a state school for psychology. The CNA degree is my first step, which will allow me to test the waters of school and see if i can deal with it as well as get back into learning and dealing with groups of ppl whom may frustrate me. But seeing as its remington and not CSU classes will be smaller in size and there will be more one on one time with teachers and hopefully if i take to it well ill be able to move at my own bushin like pace (SPEED OR GTFO) as most things about computers, programming, and maintaining a network comes simple to me as ive been doing this shit since i was a kid. really got into at 17 and ive been doing it ever since.

ill try to keep those of you who care updated. Hopefully this is the stare to "peace" i been searching for.
Pray for me as i need all the extra good karma i can get, as im not just doing this for myself, im doing it for mine and some other peoples futures bc life cant continue on the way it is, and I love to help out my friends and people close to me. So yeah. Do work time. Leggo!