(I wrote this on the train to school in ms word 2011 so dont be mad... it seems rather long)
So this morning I decided to write a more detailed update for the blog. I decided I wanted to give a more detailed rundown as to what’s going on, my progress with school, my “relationship status” and many other tid-bits, which I tend to neglect from Facebook and other things.
Firstly school. School is pretty much as I expected, math is still the bane of my existence and if it weren’t for math id probably have little to nothing to worry about at school. On my “progress report” I’m doing fine in every class except math. (3/4 Marked with an S, Math marked with a U) This is due to the fact that maybe its because math is at 10 am, or the fact that I don’t feel I’m learning and I have to teach myself, it could be due to the fact we cover anywhere from two to 4 chapters per class depending on time and other random variables. I hope it gets better and I hope I don’t lose my funding.
While the 3.2 GPA is nice and all, I’m not sure if I can keep it up due to my stress factors… Both people whom I thought would be good tutors decided to flake, or I’m just not speaking to or unable to get a hold of them (Rebecca and Amanda.) Speaking of which I guess the whole Amanda situation is entirely my fault, as for Rebecca, what can I say? I don’t speak to her much, we exchange a few texts at random and then it goes quiet. I’m honestly not sure what to think, make of, or do about the situation.
I don’t want to see her and then cause awkward moments like when I had to go get my suit for the speech, I saw her and it was awkward, we exchanged words, I literally talked to her on and of while she was at work for about 2 hours and things seemed to be settled. Maybe I ask too much from people, maybe the fact that I feel communication is mandatory in order for things to go well is just too much, maybe people need the whole “ quiet time “ when it comes to being in a relationship. I just wish she wouldn’t of flipped sides and changed her mind on the things she originally brought up. She is err should I say was the main reason I decided to get back into school, so I could provide for her and myself. My main thing was trying to help her out and make her life better than what it is BECAUSE SHE SYMBOLIZED she needed a strong man who could deal with things and make sure she did what was needed, as well as took care of her health due to her condition. As for me, my goals are pretty much the same, I would like to spend the holiday with people who give a damn about me, maybe a girlfriend or some close friends, enjoy the holiday, have fun, eat, and not deal with the stress. Seeing as school won't be in session for Christmas I guess I need to get myself in gear as well as figure more things out. I wanted to get my license before the snow hit, but I don’t think that’s going to happen due to I can clearly see the change in Amanda, how she texts, how she neglects certain details, how she’s devious about petty shit. I’ve always been an open advocate of just saying what’s up, if you want to date someone else, don’t like someone, are feeling any type of way just tell the person you’re “talking to” what’s up and allow for them to either say “ok lets work this out” or “ok I’m done lets part ways”
The thing with Amanda and myself has seemingly been a tug-of-war from like 2 weeks in. I blame myself because I should have been better and anticipated the fact that she, just like Rebecca are at that age where “ you cant tell me shit and I’m a boss and you cant tell me anything I have to fail / experience failing for myself multiple times before I catch on. Me personally, I wish I had someone to stop me from doing certain things or giving me a “hey think about it from a different point of view perspective when I was younger, but alas I didn’t so I’m stuck with the decisions I’ve made and cant really change anything. I may just say fuck it and Google a driving school and waste what cash I have in order to finally not have to deal with buses, trains, and annoying high school kids who obviously don’t have a clue. (Oh so negative Night.) So in conclusion, if I manage to get math handled, I think ill be in the clear school wise. As for everything else, I’ve cut Amanda out; at least for a week or two, I don’t know. I guess the part of me that cares way too much cant easily be suppressed. I don’t know what to do about Rebecca, chimm says just cut all ties and all women are nuts lol.
He’s been right about her sneaking around so idk. I’m just tired of doing everything alone and then when I find people who seem like they want the same things and have the same interests / goals in life something comes along and wrecks the entire game plan and I’m forced to ad-lib and come up with yet another plan around shit. I just wish I had more real friends and a gf / woman friend who had a brain and didn’t just give up because “my friends know what’s best for me” err some other dumb cliché nonsense. I HATE people who cant just be straightforward about shit. All the lies and “I don’t want to hurt you” bullshit is moot especially when you’re the one being devious behind my back. Blah. So I guess that’s it. I may just post a link to this in word form because it’s too long to post straight out to the blog.
